How to Turn your First Date into Your Last Date (Speech Excerpt)

Shomrim Laboker Singles Shabbaton / Montreal / December 3

Shomrim Laboker Singles Shabbaton / Montreal / December 3

Hard work usually pays off right.

I would dare say that hard work, wherever you choose to apply it in your life will pay off.

If you put in hard work at the gym, you’ll get those rock hard abs

If you put in hard work at the office, you’ll earn an impressive title and a six figure salary.  

So ,what happens if you put in hard work in your personal life?

I bet you are all thinking “what does that even mean?” Isn’t dating supposed to be fun? Why is this chick calling it work?

Well, I thought the same thing as you until recently when I had a conversation with a newlywed woman. This once perpetually single woman told me that on the eve of her 39th birthday she resolved that she would get married before turning 40… and guess what? She did.

She explained to me that she approached her mission like she would anything else. She set trackable goals, dedicated the majority of her waking hours to accomplishing them, and planned and prepared and perfected all this. She learnt about herself, she zoned in on her must-haves and her deal-breakers. She created a dating profile to reflect that and signed up to every dating site and app out there. Jdate, Jmatch, Jswipe, JCrush. You name it. She was on it.

 She also told her friends and family that she was welcoming set-ups…. and she went in with an open mind and an open heart -date after date after date.

You already know how this story ends. I told you at the beginning - she got her prince charming.

So, why am I telling you this? Well this isn’t the topic of my speech, but there are two major takeaways from her story that I think everybody needs to remember.

The first is that you must always be an active participant in your love life.

This applies to both men and women. ….  You can’t surrender to the idea that fate will sort out your romantic destiny.

You can’t wait for your soulmate to interrupt your Netflix  binge, you need to get out there, connect, smile and meet as many people as you can because…. and this is my second point: Dating is a game of numbers. The more numbers you play on the 6/49 lotto the more chances you have to win. Same thing holds true when it comes to dating, the more men or women you meet, the more likely you are to strike a match.

So, now you know how to land a date. It’s quite simple really:  Just put yourself out there.  But I don’t know why I’m even telling you this because it seems like you all got that down pat. You made the effort to be here tonight. You took the first step and I commend you on that. Bravo!

Now let’s talk about what you really want to know. How to turn that first date into a relationship? How do you make it into the real deal? How do you make it stick?

I wasn’t sure myself so I turned to my friend Rob, a very eligible bachelor and a serial dater by his own admission and I said “ Hey Rob! What makes you decide to a take a girl on a second date” and without skipping a beat he said “if she asks me questions about myself, if she shows genuine interest  in ME that goes beyond little trivialities, I’ll usually ask her out again to get to know her better.”

Hmmm… Not bad, I thought.

So, I did my research I found out Rob wasn't the only guy feeling this way. Before Rob, way back in 1997, there was a psychologist at SUNY named Arthur Aron who conducted some more controlled studies and came up with the very same theory. Arthur Aron paired strangers up and gave them 36 questions to see if it would build intimacy between them, if it would develop closeness AND IT DID. The questions were designed to encourage self-disclosure and were presented in order of escalating intensity. They ranged from silly questions like "do you ever sing to yourself" to very serious ones like “if you knew you would die in a year, what would you change about the way you’re living” and they included just about everything in between.

When I was dating my now husband I came across a reprint of the questions in the New York Times Modern Love section one Sunday and the article was called "36 questions that lead to love." I found them truly thought-provoking and interesting and so we played around with them... and needless to say here we are a few weeks short of our wedding anniversary.

The study’s questions are great, they are worth a quick Google search after Shabbos, but its not the questions per se that interest me it’s the effect that asking such questions have on a first date. Like my friend Rob said, they show a genuine interest and curiosity in your date that is attractive and act as a breath of fresh air in our narcissistic selfie-stick day and age.

They open the conversation to far more interesting topics than Montreal weather and Montreal traffic, all of which require more than one word to answer.

They level the playing field. They foster mutual vulnerability.

And most importantly, they give you a fair amount of insight into the person you are sharing a meal with to help you determine if you might want to do it again. If you have shared goals, values, interests… etc. etc.

I’m not recommending anybody show up on a date with Arthur Aron’s 36 questions as a script but I think taking cues from this study is a terrific idea.

Aside from asking questions to convey genuine interest, on your next date I'm going to ask you to do me a really big favor, or rather do yourself a solid:

Be Positive.

Nobody likes first dates, or even second dates. We already established that dating is hard work. But I’m asking you to forget what it is for the duration of the evening and just to consider it a night out, a delicious dinner and the opportunity to meet someone new …. SO treat it that way.

Put on your brightest smile. Enjoy every moment and invite your date to join in on the fun.

Share a laugh. Tell a joke. Live in the moment, because its just that- a moment.

If it works out, you will look upon it fondly for years to come... and you’ll probably end up telling this story again and again when people ask you about your first date.

And if it doesn't work out then you want to leave your date with a fond lasting memory of you. Nobody wants to be remembered as a complainer, or stuck up or boring.

And don’t forget your positivity will be reflected as much in your speech as your tone, as your body language. Uncross your arms, express enthusiasm, maintain eye contact. Those are rules they teach in MBA school so people can go on and be leaders in their industry. But the same holds true on a date. I promise you it will draw your date to you in ways you never dreamt possible.

And it will be reciprocated.  People naturally (and unconsciously) mirror the body language of the person they’re talking to. If you want your date to like you, smile at them during a conversation and they will unconsciously return the favor and feel good as a result.

And just like that you will both be having a great time and I have no doubt it will warrant a second date.

Now there’s a giant chasm between the end of the first date and the beginning of the second date that so many people fall into because of broken telephone (literally) and encrypted text messages, but I’ll entrust the ginormous task of how to survive all that to the very sharp and capable Ms. Danielle Taylor tomo rrow afternoon.

 

It's KOSHER Thurs-Date!

Hey Jewish singles! Are you looking for the best Kosher restaurant in your city, be it Montreal, Miami or even NYC? Three Matches has got you covered.

Montreal Jewish singles: We highly recommend CHOPS. It's the very most prestigious Kosher address in Montreal and beyond the high quality dining experience, it's cozy atmosphere lends itself to the perfect date.  Best of all, this steakhouse offers far more than meat so even a sweet vegetarian date will leave satisfied.

New York City Jewish Singles: How about you explore something beyond your comfort zone to the exotic vegetarian Indian eatery, Pongal  while not having to go very far.  The joint is on Lex and it had a good write up in TimeOut so this is a safe bet... and hopefully, your date is too.

Miami Jewish Singles: Kosh rhymes with posh and it's no coincidence. Situated in the ritzy Bal Harbor neighborhood, this restaurant serves the creme de la creme from Miami's Jewish community and outside. Show her what she means to you by nailing down those hard-to-get reservations and wine and dine her for a night to remember fondly.

 

Looking for other first date or even second date recommendations, give this Jewish matchmaker a holler: margaux@threematches.com

Tech Tuesday

Have you been HAD?

There's a new APP in town encouraging singles to declare their intentions from the onset.  The app allows you to decide if your preference is to hook-up, avoid or date the person in question. Given the current hook-up culture with ultimately too frequent incidents of "ghosting," I think HAD might be on to something with their "honest approach to dating."

Give it a try and let us know your review in the comments below. 

You asked about THIRD MARRIAGES and the MATCHMAKER answered...

I am twice divorced and under 40. I understand that many might believe this is a reflection on me but I am certain it is not as I gave my most to each relationship. Even so, I feel compelled to hide this detail when I initially meet a man online or on a date. Is this dishonest?

Lying, disguising or hiding the truth is not honest and secrets are never a good way to start a relationship. With that being said, it is your prerogative to determine when the time is appropriate for you to reveal personal details, such as your romantic history. A first date is not an opportune time to air out your history with ex-husbands or boyfriends whether you have one, none or multiple. Next time you are asked, you can politely decline to reveal such information and defer it to a later date when you feel you won't be judged for your relationship history.  

Of course with that said, you should not allow yourself to be subject to judgments or feel guilt of humiliation for failing at one or more marriages. You should consider yourself experienced in the art of dating and prepared to fall in love with intelligence and insight into what makes relationships work. 

More questions on dating, relationships and love- don't hesitate, drop an email to Margaux, your favorite matchmaker and specify if you want the response private or shared on our dating blog. margaux@threematches.com

You asked about FERTILITY and DATING and the MATCHMAKER answered...

I just entered a new relationship. I feel really lucky to be connecting with such a wonderful guy however he is wounded from a past relationship and although my enthusiasm is reciprocated, he is still cautious and keeps on insisting we take things slow. This wouldn't be such a problem, the only thing is that I am 36 and my biological clock is ticking VERY loudly. Is there any way to talk about this without scaring him off?

I appreciate your responsible attitude towards fertility. Most people- both men and women- in their mid-thirties and dating recognize the immediacy of having children. With that said, he probably doesn't need any reminding and indeed, it may put some unnecessary pressure on him if he felt disappointed from his previous relationships and doesn't want to feel rushed. I recommend you talk about children in general. Make sure you are both committed to the idea of having children in the future and try to get a feel for when he envisions children and be sure to share when you envision them. In the meanwhile, you may want to consult your OB/GYN about your fertility health and map out all the options when the time comes.

Amelia Macdonell Perry shares her own experience having "the talk." Read it on The Frisky. 

 

 

You asked about PORN ADDICTION and this MATCHMAKER answered...

My husband of a couple of years has developed an ultimately too comfortable rapport with me and feels at ease to share his porn collection and include me in what I believe is a borderline addiction. At first I tried to be a "cool wife" but it seems that permissive attitude has backfired because porn has taken a front seat in our intimate life. How can I change this? 

I am sorry to hear about this difficult situation. Before you approach your husband, you must consider what about his porn watching is bothering you so much. Has his interest in you waned? Do you feel replaced by a porn star? Has his sexual appetite become something that you are no longer comfortable with? You will have to raise these points in your discussion but before you do, let him set the tone. Ask him what it is about porn that he enjoys so much. Is it something lacking in your relationship? Can you both put forth an honest effort to eliminate porn?  

Together you need to determine if your husband is truly suffering from porn addiction or if he just has an exaggerated sexual appetite. If it's the former, it should be treated like any addiction. Your first step is to identify this. Project Know offers some important information. Afterwards, it is advisable you seek out a qualified counselor or psychologist to ease your husband out of his addiction and guide you both back to a happy and healthy marriage.

Addiction of any kind is serious. Please contact a mental healthcare professional if you or someone you know may be suffering from it. Montreal singles and Montreal couples, please consult this list . New York City Singles and NYC couples, please consult this list.  Miami singles and Miami couples, please consult this list

For all other questions, please contact margaux@threematches.com.

It's KOSHER #THURS-DATE!

Hey Jewish singles! Are you looking for the best kosher restaurant in your city to bring a (shidduch) date? We've got you covered:

Montreal Jewish singles: Keep in mind that sharing is caring and sushi is probably the best to share so reserve a table tonight at Yakimono or Saizen. Be sure to practise your chopstick etiquette first and I wish you a Kosher date night as hot as wasabi.

Miami Jewish singles: How about a casual night to stave off the summer heat? Maybe a walk on the beach and then a visit to House of Dog for a good ol' fashion hot dog and an ice cold beer. Let the no-pressure atmosphere work for you.

NYC Jewish singles: Grab a bottle of your fave Kosher wine. Here's a list we love. Pick up some Kosher cheeses from Zabar and set up a Kosher picnic with style. Check-out this list of picnic spots throughout New York City. 

You asked about UNEXPECTED PREGNANCY and this MATCHMAKER answered...

My boyfriend and I have been dating seriously for two over years. We are both ambitious young professionals in our early 30s and until recently I was convinced he was the man of my dreams and we were destined for a walk down the aisle soon. I skipped my menstrual cycle last month and discovered that I was pregnant. I was overjoyed until I shared the news with him.  He urged me to have an abortion which I absolutely refused. We are at the right age and point in our lives and our relationship to welcome this baby- I can't understand his reaction. Do I have the baby and hope he finds the love in his heart to share a life with us or do I dump him for his cold reaction?

You and your boyfriend are obviously in different places in your life emotionally. Though superficially you  may seem to both be successful young professionals ready for the next step, your level of maturity is clearly light years apart.  He got spooked when you shared the news perhaps because he still feels like a child himself? Perhaps because he is not ready for another responsibility? Perhaps because he wanted the child to come in a more traditional way of first-comes-love-then-comes-marriage or maybe even because he never wanted a child or marriage and just wanted to remain single and living the eligible bachelor life as long as he could. Whatever the reason may be, first discuss it with him and then decide if you want him to be a part of yours and your child's life. Keep in mind that regardless of what you will choose, he is still the father of that child and will be part of his life to some extent, so it will work in your favor to keep things amicable. 

Here are a few trusted matchmaker and relationship experts to weigh in, but at the end of the day remember that this is your body and your baby and the decision is yours entirely.  

Evan Marc Katz  - Alexandra Churchill for Your Tango - Abby Rodman for the Huffington Post

Reflections from a MATCHMAKER

On why you should hire a matchmaker:

The most popular question I get since I opened Three Matches, my matchmaking service nearly a decade ago is: WHY SHOULD I USE A MATCHMAKER... OR WHY FOR THAT MATTER SHOULD ANYONE?

People often wrongly assume that the service of a matchmaker is for desperate losers or the lovelorn.  My first client ever nearly a decade ago effectively dispelled that myth. This young 30s international bachelor (who could moonlight as a Ralph Lauren model) sought out my matchmaking services because his jetsetting ways were preventing him from finding and cultivating a serious romance. He did not want to try online dating because he was adamant about remaining anonymous, so he decided to do what his parents did- he hired a matchmaker (ME!)

He mentioned that he was too busy with his career to go on date after date in search of the perfect woman, so he gave me a laundry list of must-haves and dealbreakers which we broke down to essentials so that I could introduce him only to the most suitable matches.

He felt comfort in working together with me to find love because this matchmaking service is completely confidential. It's also the only alternative to modern dating that screens applicants and ensures there is no catfishing and everybody is representing themselves most accurately. 

His intuition was right. Although his story does not end (YET) like his parents- a matchmaking success story celebrating their 40th anniversary this year; it ends happily. I was able to introduce him to a woman he immediately connected with. They dated for a few years but unfortunately geography ended up determining the conclusion to their lovestory... Though I believe it's just a brief intermission.

Any young professionals reading this? Don't put your professional life on pause to find love- leave it to the pros. Three Matches is an international matchmaking agency serving Jewish singles- in Montreal, Jewish singles in Miami, Jewish singles in NYC for nearly a decade. Get in touch with us today so we can help you find love tomorrow.

You asked us about CHRONIC ILLNESS and RELATIONSHIPS and this MATCHMAKER answered...

My girlfriend and I got engaged approximately a year ago after a short courtship. I was comfortable proposing because we agreed on a long engagement. Soon after she developed a chronic condition. Although it's nothing serious, it has been an extremely heavy burden on our relationship. It has prevented us from moving forward with any wedding plans. I understand that she is suffering but so am I. Sometimes I even consider breaking it off. Is this unfair of me?

I don't think that your dating dilemma really stems from whether or not you will be unfair to your girlfriend if you leave her during her time of need; I think you are regretting the lost time in your engagement that you counted on to get to know her better, and I think you are also worried about public perception and how you may be viewed as cold-hearted. The truth is indeed, most people will feel that way, but this engagement is yours and not theirs.

I'm sorry you and your girlfriend are going through this. This is a good test for your relationship. If you can survive an obstacle like this, together you can overcome it all. So before you make your way to the closest exit, take a moment to consider why you proposed in the first place- has the characteristic you were most attracted to about her survived? Can you imagine living your life without her? If she were to make a miraculous recovery tomorrow, would you be overjoyed and continue your relationship? How would you feel if the situation was reversed- would you expect her to continue dating you? My best dating advice to you is to weigh the answer to each of these questions before you make any rash romantic decisions. I wish you good foresight and I wish her good health and may you both come up together on the other side stronger and more in love.

More questions on love, sex, dating, marriage, relationships? Montreal singles/ Miami singles/ NYC singles/ Singles worldwide- drop an email to your favorite Jewish matchmaker in Montreal: margaux@threematches.com

You asked us about CONVERSION and this MATCHMAKER answered...

Last week my boyfriend's mother took me for lunch and asked me to convert. I was appalled and offended. I am Jewish and although I am not practicing, I feel connected to the Jewish tradition and I know it would deeply hurt my family if I ever chose to reject my faith and take on anew one. Furthermore, my boyfriend is an atheist and we had agreed from the onset of our relationship that we would respect each other's beliefs whatever they may be. How should I address his mother's request?

Poor dear! Your mother-in-law sounds like a nightmare. Please keep in mind that you are dating your boyfriend and not his mother. You tended to the issue of religion, conversion and interfaith dating at the onset of your relationship and you did so as two consenting adults. His mother is belittling your decision and treating you both like children. You  and your boyfriend can respectfully explain to her that you have decided this together and you have opted to keep your respective relationships. Or you can choose to ignore her entirely, and this would fall within the realm of reason because such an out-of-place request does not merit much attention. Discuss the alternatives with your boyfriend and make sure you are the same page as to how to proceed. Regardless of how infuriating her conversion request may be, maintain your cool and the respect she deserves, after all she did raise the gentleman you fell in love with. 

Got more questions about interfaith relationships, love, sex, dating, marriage and more. Get in touch with your favorite Jewish matchmaker at margaux@threematches.com 

Singles in MontrealSingles in NYCSingles in Miami- what are you waiting for?

It's #Fri-Date!

Your favorite Jewish matchmaker has got you covered for the perfect weekend date night.

Montreal singles: Are you thinking outside the box this weekend? How about brunch instead of dinner? If things go well, you have the whole day ahead of you to enjoy together. Our favorite spot right now (and always) is Les Enfants Terribles in Outremont. The beautiful green that surrounds the street-side terrace and the new brunch menu (not to mention the mimosas and lattes) make this Montreal hub a perfect date spot for Montreal singles getting to know each other, as well as couples looking to rediscover each other.

NYC singles: The Bulletin Market is opening this weekend in Williamsburg. What better way to discover the tastes and likes of your prospective date than to watch them admire independent designers'styles and munch on their fave food truck fare? Hurry over, NYC singles- this popup is only going on until September. Check out the details here for the ultimate NYC hipster first date.

Miami singles: Tired of the too-hot-to-handle weather but dying for a hot date? Makoto is your answer. Share sushi and great conversation over cocktails- indoors at one of South Florida's most glam sushi restaurants. Situated in the exclusive Bal Harbor shops complex not far from Tiffany's, this restaurant shows your date you are ready to invest  in your relationship. Be prepared to splash some cash in true Miami style... all in the name of love. Be sure to make a reservation via OpenTable here.

You asked about FIRST DATE FASHION and this MATCHMAKER answered...

I'm a busy young professional who works all day and dates all night. Sometimes it's impossible to juggle the two, let alone find time to transition from one to the other. What can you recommend for an easy and perfect first date outfit?

First Date Outfits

You have come to the right place because this matchmaker can just as well moonlight as a stylist. My rule of thumb for fashion is to always dress the part. The same way you give thought to a sharp outfit to conquer the boardroom every morning; you should think of an outfit that will conquer your date's heart and also make you feel light years away from your desk so you can turn off work mode and turn on flirt mode.

If you are pressed for time between your last meeting and your date, I recommend a dress with staying power that lasts the whole day thru (preferably wrinkle-free). A little skin goes a long way but that doesn't mean your colleagues need to see what your date sees. Cover up with a blazer and dark stockings at the office  and go sleeveless and bare-legged later on to "wow" your date. (My personal go-to favorites include BCBG, Ted Baker and French Connection.) Still need help choosing? Turn to the experts at Keaton Row for advice that counts or our friends at Le Tote, for a new outfit every night!

I highly recommend an above-the-knee fit-and-flare style in a color that compliments you but isn't too loud.  It says you are playful but self-respecting. The accessories but especially the shoes will send the message. I am an advocate for very high heels: It lengthens the legs in the sexiest of ways, but it also forces you to carry yourself with elegance. (Be sure you can walk in them.) 

Whatever you decide to wear, don't forget to wear a spritz of perfume and a megawatt smile.

Women's boutiques we recommend for Montreal singles: BCBG

Women's boutiques we recommend for Miami singles: Koko and Palenki

Women's boutiques we recommend for NYC singles: Intermix

More questions on love, sex, relationships and dating;... or even shopping? Jewish singles don't hesitate to drop this matchmaker a line: margaux@threematches.com

You asked us about UNWANTED PETS and this MATCHMAKER answered...

My girlfriend is an animal lover. I knew this when I met her but I didn't realize to what extent these furry critters would interfere in our relationship. She insists on bringing her dog everywhere and refuses to go to places that don't tolerate the pooch. She is also a vegetarian and won't include meat in anything she cooks for the two of us. Sometimes I feel she likes animals more than me. How can I turn this around?

Couple dating with their dog

You phrased the question with your answer: How can YOU turn this around? Indeed, the solution is in your hands. It is your attitude vis-a-vis the pets that can salvage this relationship. You need to remember they are pets and although the bond with your girlfriend is most certainly strong, you have an advantage in that you can communicate with her on a deeper level and maintain a stronger bond. Don't compete for her affection with animals- it's an exercise in futility. Your girlfriend's belief system is based on animal welfare and you aren't going to change that. You can either accept it and embrace it or move on.

I hope you choose the former as you may come to appreciate the countless benefits of having animals in your life and in your relationship; animals and especially dogs can increase the number of positive social behaviors and make us happier, among other things. In the meanwhile, you can commiserate with others in a similar position on this blog. You will quickly realize that dating your girlfriend and her dog is not such a big dilemma and with the right attitude, it can play in your favor. 

PS For all the singles reading this in search of love, I highly recommend adopting a dog as your makeshift matchmaker. Not only do dogs make you more likeable, they also increase your opportunities for social interaction, be it flirting at the dog park or connecting during long walks. I've said it: Dogs are the ultimate matchmakers.

Pet-loving singles? Looking for love and a relationship, long-term commitment or just looking for advice on love, relationships and dating... Give this matchmaker a shout: margaux@threematches.com

Reflections from a MATCHMAKER

On being a matchmaker...

From the desk of a matchmaker

I am often asked why I decided to become a matchmaker. I never decided to be a matchmaker- I was born a matchmaker. Malcolm Gladwell's book "The Tipping Point" speaks of different personality types. I am undoubtedly a connector: I love to interact with people and have a habit of introducing people for personal or professional reasons but mostly because I enjoy seeing the amazing people within my network (singles included) develop relationships with each other and create beautiful things together... sometimes even entire families.

I have been doing this for as long as I can remember, but since I turned my passion into my profession, I have found a reason in each and every single woman or man I have served to do it. It's a privilege to spread the love to Jewish singles worldwide. It's an opportunity to give hope to a single man jilted by his ex-girlfriend; to give confidence to a woman with body issues who doesn't believe she is worthy of love; to give her courage when she is even too shy to hold a conversation with her crush; it's a privilege to support all the single young professionals who want to have it all: love, success, family and friends- but just don't find the time in the day to juggle all four, and put love on the backburner.

Watching the fruit of my labor (and intuition) blossom into intimate relationships built on a healthy foundation of love and trust reminds me every day why I made the right choice to pursue my calling and become a matchmaker.

If you are a Jewish single woman or Jewish single man reading this from your iphone on the beaches of Miami, or behind your desk as you peer at the view of Manhattan, or even as you get caught up in the hustle and bustle of being a young professional in Montreal, I would love to hear from you and I would love to have the opportunity to connect you with one of the fabulous Jewish single women or Jewish single men within my network, contact me today!  

You asked us about a PERSONALITY DISORDER and DATING and this MATCHMAKER answered...

I've been dating a guy for a few months and everything seems to be going fairly well. I'm starting to get suspicious however that I am being lied to... and the worst part is it seems to be beyond his control. His lies range in subject but don't necessarily harm our relationship. He may lie about past accomplishments, acquaintances, conversations, experiences. He only gets caught because of conflicting stories. Should I call him out on this?

In psychiatry, pathological lying is a controversial topic that is difficult to define. Here's a checklist from EliteDaily / LiveStrong and an online magazine that assesses health and relationships. The situation with your boyfriend seems to qualify as pathological because of his habit of telling a pointless lie.  There's no immediate harm to your relationship unless you decide otherwise, however  the long-term effects can lead to mistrust and can often be associated with narcissism- two things that have no place in your relationship.

If you value your boyfriend and see a future in your relationship, I recommend you get in touch with a mental health professional to help keep his compulsive problem under control. This may help him as much as it will help your relationship grow and he may forever be grateful to you for seeking out help, strengthening your relationship and deepening your love

Readers: Please keep in mind that this matchmaker is not a psychologist and can't offer any immediate diagnosis. A second opinion is highly recommended.

For all other questions on love, sex, dating, romance, relationships and online dating trends, send this Jewish matchmaker your questions. margaux@threematches.com

You asked us HOW TO OVERCOME TRUST ISSUES and this MATCHMAKER answered...

Seven years ago, I thought I met the woman of my dreams, I was even ready to propose. She left me before I ever had the chance to without any explanation. Ever since, I have been unable to have a healthy and happy relationship. Will my faith in women ever be restored?

I am so sorry to hear of the hurt you experienced. Fortunately for you, your ex-girlfriend revealed her true colors before you committed to "death do us part." Have you taken the time to heal from the pain? I understand that seven years have passed but have you truly reflected on what happened and found closure? Once you do and only then, you can close that chapter in your life for good and begin writing the next.You are the author of your own destiny

I understand restoring your faith in womankind is difficult but you must recognize that your ex-girlfriend does not represent all women. Don't perpetuate the cycle of mistrust with another woman. Lingering angst and resentment can poison your next relationship. Heal through love- by giving it and getting it. The American writer, Charles Bukowski once said "I've had so many knives stuck into me, when they hand me a flower, I can't quite make out what it is. It takes time." Indeed, it will take time to find and recognize a woman deserving of your trust. Elite Daily and Martha Beck have TRUST guidelines for you. 

There are wonderful, thoughtful and kind single women that will make trusting them and loving them easy. You deserve and they deserve the healthy relationship I know you are looking for. Good luck!

*Margaux, the Jewish Matchmaker is happy to receive all your questions on love, dating, trust, relationships and more. Singles in Montreal, Singles in Miami, Singles in New York: What are you waiting for? Send them in to margaux@threematches.com